I just had an argument with a girl I know.

She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend - but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.

In response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shit lock.

That shut her up.

My wife told me if she ever caught me cheating on her she would kill herself.

As if the temptation wasn`t strong enough, then she had to dangle that carrot under my nose.

Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.

So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?

Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger.